Comparing Notes (and Everything Else)

My first year in this bizarre group of ours, I was only homeschooling a second grader. One who did very well in school, so I was in the honeymoon stage of it all. Then, when we returned to homeschooling after our year break, I was suddenly homeschooling f-i-v-e, and all of them were in the elementary level. Plus, not all of them were the independent learners my oldest had been. It was hard. I was looking for an escape hatch.

So I started asking questions of you all. What curriculum do you like? How do you teach multiple children? Who does you hair? And I started to copycat what I thought would work for me. Some things really helped me. I think we all need to get help from one another, which is part of why this group exists.  But I'd like to talk about what did not help. It's important. And part of my homeschooling therapy, so please indulge me.

In my haste to become the perfect mother, I looked to some of our veteran moms as seemingly doing all of it right. "If only I could get my act together like she does" was my motto. I took opportunities in conversation to stalk interview them to get ideas. They were very accommodating, but I found that although many ideas worked, not all were the magic fairy dust they seemed to be in someone else's hands.

I had to see that I was raising my sweathogs children, and other families often had a different dynamic from mine. I was an uptight, strung out, Type-A person (I say "was" as if that has changed), and you may have been a relaxed, unfettered, drink-grape-juice-on-the-sofa mom. I had the kids, husband, and life that God gave me. PLUS, after becoming actual friends with you, I saw how you struggled just like I did. I also didn't see that you had personal crosses I never saw, like an aging parent or a child with learning difficulties.

After being at this now for awhile, I finally got my homeschool groove and became better at discerning what to obsess about and what I knew would work itself out over time. So the first time someone came up to me and told me how much they thought I had my act together and wanted my advice, a light bulb went off. I felt like an idiot for putting my friends on those pedestals! I never thought anyone was doing that with me, but I used the opportunity, as I have since, to let them know how we all struggle with our decisions, and that the things we do today in our homes, change as our children do. I also tell them that I screw up as often as I change out the laundry. I am an expert at knowing what not to do!

I still ask for advice and I still offer my opinion, but now I feel confident in my own homeschooling decisions, even if that means chunking something that's not working and starting over. I've begun new curriculum, some pricey, and have tossed it out by October only to start over, because it wasn't working, rather that pursuing a program that didn't meet my needs. It's also helped me not to feel pressure to attend every field trip or activity offered through our school. I have to remember our own family's mission and why I am homeschooling. I am so thankful for this group and am not sure how this would all play out without my having you here to lean on, complain to, cry with.  But, I also have to remember that my homeschool is mine and I am doing this on my own and am accountable to my family alone. Comparing notes can lead you to great resources for your family and support in your own concerns, but getting lost in comparison can steal your joy and take away all the individual successes and failures that God has in store for your homeschool and family.

Encourage one another.  Pray.  Act with confidence.
Then come tell me how you did it!